Yoga for healing
“By healing ourselves, we heal the world.”
- Molly Chanson
Hi, beautiful souls! Even though it happened slowly and over the course of several years, I felt like I woke up one day, looked around, and thought, Is this my life? Did I create this? I was 2 months sober, having given up alcohol when it started to no longer become a choice. I thought when I quit drinking my marriage would improve, because I believed everything wrong was my fault. Instead, my relationship with my husband got worse. So I started writing. I wrote about motherhood and marriage and my feelings. I felt my voice emerge for the first time in a while, and it felt good.
I wondered if other women needed to hear this voice too.
I started my own clothing line after having 2 boys. I left the safety of my teaching career and embarked into the sometimes lonely world of entrepreneurialism. Motherhood, business, my marriage, and my addiction have all taught me this - nothing will go as you think it will in your head. Nothing will match your ideal image. Preparation will only get you so far, so it’s better to take care of yourself. Because everything will go wrong and fall apart.
My mission has always been to lift up the female intuitive spirit and demonstrate our inherent resilience. What do we need healing from? Healing from our past, healing from covered up pain, healing from the patriarchy. Our unattended wounds will manifest in every area of our life - relationships, careers, parenting, money - until we have the courage to look at them. Today more than ever we see the effects of suppressed female voices and an unacknowledged feminine experience. Whatever you are feeling, I assure you it’s valid.
When my marriage crumbled I was lost. I was also addicted - to a drug, as well as a constant story of not being good enough. I went back to my yoga practice in search of answers and relief. Through the poses, I discovered I had a lot more to heal from than just my divorce. I had body issues, self-esteem issues, guilt, blame, and clinging. Applying yoga on and off the mat has brought me closer to what is true. My yoga practice has uncovered and exposed my false stories. I can see the masks I’ve worn in order to fit in and belong, and make the choice to remove them.
I share my personal experience through yoga to encourage other women to grow and heal into their truest, bravest self. The journey into self-discovery takes grit and discipline, but it’s worth it.
With love, grace, and soul,
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More about me, my childhood, and my reason:
I grew up in the Midwest, the oldest of 3, raised by two loving parents who are still together. We didn’t live a lavish life, but I also never felt poor. I always did what was expected of me, like wearing the pink dresses to church my mother sewed for me, while my sister kicked and screamed and begged to wear pants like our brother. I kept my mouth shut, and always wondered why she didn’t just play along. Wasn’t it easier that way?
Seems ideal, right? But negative feelings and emotions were always pushed under the rug in my family - and continues in society as women. If anything bad happened during my childhood, I wouldn’t know. Stressful things like illness, death, or loss of a job were always kept from the kids. My parents manufactured a veil of happiness around everything, as if sadness and pain didn’t exist, and as a result, I spent my entire life feeling guilty whenever a negative emotion surfaced.
I had a quarter-life crisis while in graduate school because I couldn’t handle the uncertainty of my future. I never dealt with a sexual assault because I didn’t want to disrupt my upcoming wedding plans. Then, I became a new mom and the roller coaster of emotions became way too much for me to handle. I loved and feared motherhood all at once. I had no coping skills for post-partum depression, colic, sleep deprivation, fear, anxiety. I felt so ashamed that I was feeling such negative emotions when I loved my babies so much. Was something wrong with me as a mother? Wasn’t everything supposed to be perfect? Everyone else around me was so happy, so why wasn’t I?
I founded and designed a clothing line after my two boys were born - a maternity and breastfeeding line for new moms. And I knew in my heart I was a creative entrepreneur! My desire to start and run a business, take the leap, and serve new moms filled me with as much passion and dedication as it took to raise my boys, be a wife, and grow into the person I always wanted to be.
Running a business, raising kids, and maintaining my marriage was HARD. But worth it. Then, the unthinkable happened - I found out my husband had been having an affair 2 years after I sensed something was wrong in our marriage. I asked him, I questioned myself, but as usual, I pushed those feelings away and told myself to look around – at my beautiful home, my healthy boys, and my happy family. And I said to myself – how dare you be sad? Be grateful, and all will be fine.
Finally learning the truth freed me. I was at my bottom. I started writing. I started sharing my stories and using my voice – for the first time. I stopped second guessing myself and started admitting how I felt, no matter what. I faced head on what had now become a scary alcohol addiction due to always pushing away my feelings and hiding from reality. I dove into yoga and allowed myself to cry in the poses, especially the ones that opened my heart.
I started my business in order to help other women – women who might be afraid to admit how they feel, or who have never been taught how, or who feel guilty for experiencing a range of emotions (good and bad), and have no idea how to express themselves. I share my story, and use my voice, in order to give other women permission to do the same – to open their hearts, open their mouths, and unearth their pain. Our world needs the collective feminine spirit, now more than ever. It’s time to be heard. It’s time to be brave enough to say who you are, and discover why you’re here.
Please email me about anything, and thank you for letting me share something about me :)